STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM comp.lang.c version (original by David Parsons) (modified by David Fetter and Kurt Schumacher) (comp.lang.c bits by Alan Curry) (even more comp.lang.c bits by Jens Schweikhardt) #ifdef HUMOR_IMPAIRED ISO 9899:1990 states in the 'as-if rule': Every line checked with an 'X' must be read as if followed by a smiley :-) #endif Dear: ___ Klewless Wonder ___ Lamer ___ Spammer ___ Password cracker wannabe ___ Terminal junkie ___ BorlandBoy ___ Netcruiser idiot ___ Troll ___ Moron ___ Warez kiddie ___ Loser ___ Newbie ___ Homework cheater ___ ME-TOOer ___ Kook I took exception to your recent post to (newsgroup)___comp.lang.c___. It was (check all that apply): ___ Stupid. ___ Boring. ___ Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. You are being flamed because: ___ What you posted/said has been done before. (Mark only if above checked) ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time. ___ Your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ____________________. (net.personality) ___ Your post/mail originated on ___ FidoNet ___ Delphi ___ AOL ___ Compuserve ___ Prodigy ___ MSN ___ You posted using Netscape. (Mark only if above checked) ___ And it turned your post into a mini-spam of ___ identical posts. ___ And it failed to insert a newline between the quoted text and your original text. ___ Your post was in HTML. ___ Which was appended to the ASCII version. ___ You posted without reading the FAQ. (Mark only if above checked) ___ You asked a question listed in the FAQ's index. (Mark only if above checked) ___ You matched it word for word. ___ You posted an IAQ. ___ You answered an IAQ. ___ Like in the IAQ itself. ___ Your answer is a candidate for the IAQ. ___ You posted an obvious homework assignment. (Mark only if above checked) ___ Without even trying to hide it. ___ Your attempt to hide it as a contest failed. ___ Miserably. ___ You suggested that posting without reading the FAQ should be tolerated. ___ You suggested that a moderated comp.lang.c should be created. ___ Your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile. ___ You posted a chain letter. ___ You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message. ___ You suck. ___ You posted a job offer. ___ You posted a "test" in a non-test newsgroup. ___ You posted a binary file to a non-binary newsgroup. ___ You posted in comp.lang.c because (Mark only if above checked) ___ comp.std.c didn't answer your off-topic post. ___ The moderators of comp.lang.c.moderated rejected it. ___ You posted C++ code to a C group. (Mark only if above also) ___ And your C++ code was pathetically wrong. ___ You claim that C is a subset of C++. ___ You claim that C++ is a superset of C. ___ All of the above. ___ You bitched about being told to take your OS-specific questions to an OS-specific group. ___ You fell for a troll/flamebait. ___ On April 1st. ___ You do not know how to recognize sarcasm/irony/humor. ___ Even when you've been told or warned. ___ You bragged about your reputation as a C guru among all your other Borlandite friends. ___ You asked for flash.c, nuke.c, or another destructive program/script. ___ You flamed someone for flaming newbies. ___ You suggested that we be nice to newbies. ___ You were grumpy for no reason at all. ___ You were nice where you should have been grumpy. ___ Your post/letter was an obvious forgery. ___ It was done clumsily. ___ You have a lame login name. ___ Your machine has a stupid name. ___ You posted an original article/letter with no new text and no quoted text. ___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of text. ___ You quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!" ___ You asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group". ___ You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you. (Mark only if above checked) ___ One of the Holy Trinity (Mark only if above checked) ___ Dan ___ Peter ___ Lawrence ___ You quoted authorities in a false attempt to prove your point ___ One of the other Holy Trinity (Mark only if above checked) ___ Clive D. W. ___ Tanmoy ___ Doug ___ and said authority feels ashamed to be misused this way. ___ You haven't grasped a detailed explanation. ___ Not even when brought to you by Steve Summit. ___ Not even after a private email lesson by Steve. ___ You sided with ___ Scott Nudds ___ Some other net.nuisance named _________________. ___ You suggested micro-optimizations. ___ And asserted that ++i; is faster than i = i + 1; We looked at the source you posted and were disgusted because ___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard library function(s). (Mark all that apply) ___ getch(), getche() ___ clrscr() ___ kbhit() ___ bzero(), bcopy() ___ strdup(), strcasecmp(), stricmp(), strnicmp(), or strncasecmp() ___ FindFirst() and/or FindNext() ___ PC BIOS calls ___ Other _____________________. ___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard language features: (Mark all that apply) ___ void main ___ int32, u_int16, etc. ___ inline functions ___ asm(), __asm__(), etc. ___ far pointers ___ fork ___ Other _____________________. ___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard headers: (Mark all that apply) ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Other _____________________. ___ You mentioned ___ OS specific features: (Mark all that apply) ___ DLLs ___ shared libraries ___ interrupts ___ processes ___ serial communications ___ printers ___ threads ___ Other ___________________________________. ___ It was not formatted in the 1TBS (One True Brace Style). ___ It invokes ___ instantiations of undefined behaviour. ___ All of this could have been easily avoided by ___ Compiling the rubbish in strict ANSI mode before posting. ___ Not supressing the compilation warnings. ___ Using lint. ___ Adding the maths library at link time. Regarding Standard C we are deeply shocked that ___ You said that since your nonstandard feature/function is supported by both Borland *and* Microsoft, it should be considered standard. (Mark only if above checked) ___ And you prohibited MSN from carrying your post. ___ You misquoted from or made false claims about ISO 9899:1990. ___ Because you quoted someone else's misquote. ___ You never read it. ___ You quoted from the Schildt version including the fly specks. ___ You haven't look at Amendment One and TCs. ___ Your question is based on the assumption that stdout is a screen and stdin is a keyboard. ___ Your question is based on the assumption that all computers *have* screens and keyboards. The net.police has found the following violations of netiquette: ___ Your post contained commercial advertising. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to: Usenet News Network Security & Standards Patrol 3 Cielo Vista Terrace Monterey, CA 93940 or your posting privileges will be canceled. ___ Your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors. ___ Your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors. ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!! ___ Your post contains ___ MIME encoded ___ uuencoded ___ otherwise encoded (please specify: ___________) ___ C source. ___ C++ source. ___ core dumps. ___ screen shots. ___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text. ___ You quoted an empty article. ___ And it was a followup. ___ To your own article. ___ And it's *still* empty. Nerd. ___ Your lines are 80 columns wide or wider. ___ You failed to check the "Followups-To:" line. ___ Your .sig is longer than four lines. (Mark only if above checked) ___ And your newsreader truncated it. Oh yeah, and while we're at it: ___ Your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply): ___ You listed ___ snail mail address(es). (Mark only if above checked) ___ You listed a nine-digit ZIP code. ___ You listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls. ___ You included a stupid disclaimer. ___ You included: (Mark all that apply) ___ A stupid self-quote. ___ A stupid quote from a net.nobody. ___ Lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply): ___ USS Enterprise ___ Australia ___ The Amiga logo ___ Company logo (Mark only if above also) ___ And you stated that you don't speak for your employer. ___ Bicycle ___ Bart Simpson ___ Sleeping cat ___ Kilroy Furthermore: ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___comp.lang.c___. (newsgroup) ___ Your post contains the following instantiations of bogosity: ___ "Works for me" ___ When in fact it doesn't. ___ "Hope this helps" ___ When it's hopeless. ___ I don't like your tone of voice. ___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless. ___ *plonk* ___ This has been pointed out to you before. ___ It is recommended that you: (Mark all that apply) ___ Give up your idiot-friendly GUI account. ___ Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it. ___ Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor. ___ Read the FAQ at http://www.eskimo.com/~scs/C-faq/top.html ___ And learn it by heart. ___ Read the IAQ. ___ And learn it by heart. ___ Clue yourself about C at http://www.lysator.liu.se/c/ ___ Answer the cl00 f0ne. ___ Stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up. ___ Stop reading Usenet news and get a life. ___ Crawl back under the DOS box you slithered out of. ___ Get a real computer. ___ Get a real OS. ___ Get a real compiler. ___ Give us a break. ___ Be Guest of Honor in alt.flame for a week. 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